Setting Limits

Have you ever felt like the PROVERBIAL DOORMAT ?

At work? With your partner or spouse?  With your children?  When YOU were a kid?

It’s because you weren’t taking care of yourself by SETTING LIMITS.

Limits are important because . . .

  • You respect yourself

  • You eliminate most reasons to resent others

  • You show caring for others

  • You communicate what you expect

  • You model for others how to respect themselves

I know . . . easier said than done, right?

 Setting Limits can feel uncomfortable — or even impossible —  because . . .

  •  You feel guilty
  • Asking for what you want is just selfish.

  • It’s futile and you’ll just “cave” the next time

  • You want to be “nice” and cooperative, and have others like you

  • You’re afraid of conflict.  God forbid someone gets upset or mad at you.

  • You want to look like the “good” or flexible person (as compared to the other one)

  • As a kid, your boundaries we not respected . . . or were violated.

Ignoring an issue with someone will NOT MAKE IT GO AWAY.  It might even make it worse.

You can waste tons of time and energy. . . endlessly going over someone’s disrespectful behavior toward you.  Don’t make excuses for their actions, either!

“Grow a pair”!  Be courageous and take charge!

 The steps for SETTING LIMITS:

  • Honor your feelings.  Feeling BAD about something that’s happened is great because now it’s got your attention!  You want something different here.

  • Get real clear about what you want.  About what you’re willing to do, and what you’re not willing to do.

  • Find a good time to get with the other person, then use an “I” statement.
    Say, “I want. . .”, or “I feel. . .”, etc.  This is about you owning where you are,  and not about blaming, shaming, laying on guilt, exaggerating, complaining, or making the other person wrong. Do this step ASAP to prevent becoming unnecessarily resentful!

  • Stick to your guns.  Be consistent and follow through.  Don’t be “all talk” and “no action”.

You now have a plan . . . so figure out where you most want to set limits . . . and get to it!

Results Parenting teaches how to set limits.  To become more skilled in doing this, look at our Parenting Training and Coaching program.  We can help you with your relationships with your kids, and with adults.  (Adults are just big kids)

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