Appreciate Your Child’s Uniqueness

Doesn’t it feel awesome when someone acknowledges and appreciates you for who you really are?

When you can be your natural — uncensored — true self?

Without fitting into anyone’s “mold” or expectations?

Now think, for just a moment, of a time when you were a kid and you received a criticism  (from your parent, or an adult) . . .

Something like:

  • Don’t be silly

  • Stop that crying

  • You’re too noisy

  • You’re being selfish

  • You’re just like ________ !

  • Why can’t you be more like ________?

  • Shame on you

If you ever heard anything like one of the above criticisms, I bet you still might do, or not do, something because of the impression it made.

As a kid I was told that I was too loud and too noisy.  At school I got in trouble for talking too much.

For many years (way into my adult life), I was over-sensitive about this.  I’d play those critical statements from my childhood over and over in my head.

I tried to stifle my natural exuberance and enthusiasm, and tone down the sound and volume of my laugh.

How fortunate for me, and my daughters, that I finally learned that my uniqueness was cool — and a good thing! — and I started to give myself permission to be the real person that I am.  Feels great!

Just one statement can make a child try hard to be different than who they really are.

Just one statement — even without intention to hurt — may be played over and over in your child’s head for years.

Respect and honor your child’s unique self.

Your job as a parent is to

encourage your child to fully express who SHE KNOWS she is.

Strive to accept and appreciate those things about her that are unique.

Hit the pause button before statements that discourage her fly out of your mouth.

If her crying is getting to you, consider saying, “Wow. I hear that you’re really upset”. One of the most important things you can do is to validate feelings first.

Or, think about that “shame on you” one (ouch!) . . . being ashamed is not going to encourage anyone to change their behavior.  It just feels bad.

It’s essential to be able to fully express WHO YOU ARE TOO.

Model for her how to love and celebrate her

ONE-OF-A-KIND-ness.

Results Parenting will help you do that!

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THE Summer Must-Have (that Awesome Kid’s Programs Include)

While you’re researching your summer options for your child, be sure to look for programs that include some Free Time.

So many summer programs!  Swimming, team sports, gymnastics, dance, arts/crafts, and combinations of all kinds of things that might be fun and interesting.

And most of the programs available have every minute structured. Might they be thinking, “Why would parents want to pay for anything that is not chock-full of planned activities?” (gotta get your money’s worth, right?)

I KNOW you want this summer to be great for your child so . . .

consider a program that includes some UNSTRUCTURED TIME.

A daily chunk of free time allows your child to explore his creativity, and play — like a kid — with others.

Children need time off from supervised activities and entertainment to develop their independence.  

They need to create and initiate play and adventures with friends, have arguments, and learn how to work things out.

You want him to learn to be confident, responsible and able to solve problems.  This can happen more naturally if he can have some freedom.

Now . . . here’s an idea for creating some sweet weekend time with your child . . .

picnic up!  

Yep, this one sounds too easy to be fun.  But if you’re gonna fix lunch on Sunday, how about taking it outside on a blanket?  You COULD do the park or beach thing.  But if you’ve still got mountains of laundry, bathrooms that are gross, and tons of emails to go through, you can take your child (and your Honey!) to the back yard on a pretty day for a picnic lunch.

Maybe take everyone’s fave snack food (cookies & treats!) that’s in the kitchen and turn it into an OOP (Outrageous Outdoor Party).

OK. Go ahead and include some veggie sticks and dip too . . . so you can sleep tonight.

Some of the most fun for kids is when we do simple, spontaneous things like this. If time allows, you can ride bikes, take a walk, fly a kite or throw the frisbee around . . .

Your gang can have so much fun, and you’ll actually relax and enjoy some of those summer days, too!

Please share in the comments below about any wonderful summer programs you’ve found.  And if you have a simple fun family activity (in addition to picnic) please share that as well.

 

Help for Parents of Teens

A Secret for Parents of (Confused and Hormonal) Teens

A mom and her teenage daughter had a fight, and the daughter said, “I can’t wait to get outta here and have a place of my own!”  Mom resisted the urge to say, “You ungrateful little B#&$%!”, but instead she recognized an opportunity and said, “Yeah, that WOULD be great!  I wonder how much an apartment would cost?”

So Mom and daughter spent some time researching costs of setting up an apartment. They ended up getting daughter a bank account, which helped her feel powerful and more self-reliant.

Your turn.  Remember when the challenge was to get your toddler to eat vegetables?

Now, instead of pulling away from the table, he’s pulling away from you . . . and turning toward his friends (who are just as hormonal and confused as he is)

and you start feeling like a failure in this parenting job.

So the secret — and it’s not that hard to do — is to teach your teenager to rely on himself.  While there’s time.  (he’s still living at home)

Wait. Another story: A Mom and son were experiencing bigtime difficulties in their relationship. The son was rude, disrespectful, often didn’t come home at night and was failing a couple of classes.

I asked Mom, “What can you do to help him feel powerful and valuable to you?”

After doing some brainstorming with her, Mom decided to ask her son to help with the accounting at her floral shop. Her son had been good at math and she really needed the help.

Her son gradually took over the accounting. She noticed improvement in her son’s grades. Plus, they began to enjoy being together and had things to talk about!  Wow!  By his senior year, the son was doing the accounting for all three of her shops.

I challenge you to find a way for your teenager to feel more powerful.

Teach him how to cook, do laundry, sew on a button, set up his own appointments, earn/save money, etc.

Then . . . ask him to teach YOU something.

Surely he’s more tech savvy, right? What could he teach you about your iPhone or iPad?

Then, I wanna hear the creative ways you encouraged him to be self-reliant.  Share your success by leaving a comment below.

 

Mommy, are we safe?

It’s been a pretty tough week for all of us.  The tragic events in Boston, also in West, Texas, felt awful.  Many times I heard comments on how our world isn’t safe anymore.

I want to say something about that right now.  Yep, when terrible things happen, it FEELS like we’re not safe anymore.  But in reality, our world is much safer.  Check out what Dr. Tim Jordan says as he puts this into a healthy perspective.

There’s no way . . . even though we wish there were . . . to guarantee to your child that they’ll always be safe.

So today, or the next few days if the opportunity presents itself, talk to your kids about what happened.  If they’re upset, or scared and need soothing, say something like, “Wow. I hear you’re really upset about this”, or “Sometimes I get afraid too”.  This way, you’ll be encouraging self awareness.  An important step toward emotional intelligence.

Results Parenting is in a big transition now!  Really soon you’ll have an opportunity to check out all the great things we offer.  You’ll find out how you can feel GREAT about your parenting, while you gain skills to help your child learn to be confident, powerful, responsible and feel awesome about who they are.

Time Out only works in sports. Parenting is not a sporting event.

Sometimes people ask why in the world Ross and I are so passionate about parenting education. Once in awhile I hear, “oh, that’s interesting. I have a nephew who really needs that!” Or maybe, “my parents did okay with me. I turned out fine.” And we all know what John Lennon said so beautifully: “Love is All You Need”.

So. . . consider this little story:

Three different guys go to a doctor for different issues. The 1st guy tells the doc that he’s almost always constipated; the 2nd guy tells the doc that he has a terrible pain in his heel; and the 3rd guy tells the doc that he’s been coughing for two solid weeks. The doctor said, “Well, I can help every one of you! I’ll remove your appendixes. Last week, I had a patient who felt terrible. I removed his appendix and he felt fine!”

OMG!! Would you trust a doctor like this? What kind of diagnostic procedure did he use?

Plus, he believed one solution would work for every issue.

So when our daughters were little (hollering was totally a throat-killer while the girls quickly turned deaf, and spanking was really not an option), the only solution that felt worthy was

Da da da DAH ! presenting. . .TIME OUT!

I started using time out for anything I considered inappropriate behavior. What a waste THAT was! Oh man, I had thought I could motivate my 3-year-old to change from knocking her sister over on her head to being sweet, cooperative and a loving little sibling (I did, after all, have my degree in education). Whoa! It didn’t take long before it became totally clear that there must be other ways to help with behavioral issues. Time out is a loser.

It’s NEVER a one-size-fits-all.

Plus, what the heck were we doomed for when the girls got to be teenagers? (that’s when TIME OUT turns into “YOU’RE GROUNDED”) Can’t wait. . .

If we don’t learn some real tools here, we will be in deep doo-doo. I can sing that Beatles’ song like a maniac because I truly do love my kids, but the real truth here is that they arrived into this world with no Owner’s Manual.

But, the awesome thing in all this is that YOU have found Results Parenting. Very soon you will learn more about all the amazing – and highly effective – skills that we can teach you to help create the kind of family that I know you really are wanting: I KNOW you want those kids to learn to cooperate, be responsible, feel great about themselves, handle peer pressure, and learn what it takes to create close and loving relationships.

And to raise them without punishment or being permissive. (Really).

Here’s an action step for you:
Every day for one week look for ONE thing that is truly awesome about your son or daughter, and write it down. Share it with them if you feel so moved. But for right now, it might be a challenge observing only ONE thing, because once you begin looking for what you appreciate, you’ll discover many more. (yep, this simple action has magic!)

If this was valuable to you please pass it along to a friend. You can direct them to our site at www.resultsparenting.com and encourage them to sign up so they can start receiving the same valuable information that you are.

p.s. Keep watching and reading…Results Parenting will have some very exciting news to share soon!